Confessions of a Very Intelligent Woman

So Tuesday morning, I decide that I’m going to quit smoking. It was sort of a snap decision however I had been thinking about it for quite some time. I mean, I’ve been working for the past 2 months on changing me, making me better…all is good, except I’m still a smoker.

And I’m ashamed to admit that I’m a smoker. I sneak around people who don’t smoke and so, I had been contemplating it. But I just wasn’t ready. And my excuse? You’ll love this….

Every money making idea that I’ve ever come up was conceived on my front porch with a cigarette in my hand.

Pretty lame, right? Yeah, I know….

So, Tuesday morning, I have 4 cigarettes left. I have two choices. I can go out and buy another carton or I can quit. I was feeling particularly lazy, so I decided that I was going to quit. Just like that. Made a huge announcement to everyone. This was the day…November 14, 2006.

So, at 9:53am, I smoked my last cigarette.

I was a bear to be around on Tuesday. I didn’t want to be around myself. I did, however, have a really great workout in attempt to get all the frustrations out and I managed to make it until the next morning.

I got the kids off to school. I came back home and was working dilligently and then all of a sudden, it hit me. There wasn’t a piece of nicorette gum or a dum dum big enough to get rid of the urge. I was pacing the house, trying so hard not to jump in the car and go and buy cigarettes and then….

I remember the butts on the front porch. The committee in my head starts their debate…fighting over how gross that is but how it was a fix and I go rushing outside.

It rained the night before. I have a covered porch. NEVER in the three years that I’ve been here has the ENTIRE porch gotten wet. But it did that night. There were about 50 butts…just SOAKING wet.

I wish the story could end here. I would at least have some dignity left. But it you know it doesn’t, otherwise it wouldn’t be “very intelligent woman worthy”.

I grab my candle lighter…and I’m attempting to dry out the butts so that I can get my fix.

Sad is it not?

I gave up. I cried. But I did not get in my car to go get more.

I came in and sulked, popped a piece of gum and a dum dum and went about my business.

And am still thinking to myself that I am a sick, sick individual……